The Unraveling of a Knit-together Heart

The evening of the 16th, we sent a longer version of this out to friends and family:

This may come as quite a shock. With great sadness, we (Kevin & Christina) have decided to separate. We did not come to this decision lightly. In fact, we have godly professional counsel agreeing with this course of action. Though we love each other and remain best friends, there are irreconcilable issues at this point in our relationship. It breaks our hearts to think of living apart from each other, but we feel it is ultimately for the best. Though not all of you will agree with our separation, we ask you to respect our choice and support our family though the pain and loss we each are feeling.

We are doing our best to provide a calm, loving environment as we transition into separate households. Our hearts are heavy, but they are lightened when we think of the care and support you give to each of our kids. Our focus is truly on causing the least damage possible to our children.

We praise God for what He is going to teach us through this heartbreak and we continue to
believe in a God of miracles. We welcome your prayers over this situation and wish we could tell you each face to face, though physically and emotionally that would be impossible.

My heart is still breaking–of course–but how can I not share with you all? But I am fully aware that (1) this is a public arena and (2) my children might read this someday. For those two reasons, I’m not going to be very specific as I make my way through all this pain.

Some of you are aware of our history. We met when I was fifteen and I’ve loved him ever since. Still do. We separated five years ago for about two months while working our way through one of the typical marriage-killing occurrences. At that point, we dealt with the root causes. I will not let the enemy steal the glory of the healing that took place during that time. We reunited, making promises I know we both felt sure would be kept.

But they weren’t.

I have no anger, no blame. There’s just a gaping hole of grief and sadness. Everything in my life is in transition. The myriad of details threaten to overwhelm me if I think of all I have to do. Of losing the house, of finding a “real” job, of losing my best friend. Of what effect this might have on our children. Of what Kev’s or my life will look like in five years.

Then I cast all my anxiety on God, because He cares for me. Refuse to borrow worries from tomorrow as today DEFINITELY has enough of it’s own.

I’ll share more as I can. Maybe some of you will follow me on this journey because you’ve been through this pain. You’ll be able to give me encouragement, or a kick in the rear, when I need it. I need every piece of wisdom I can get.

I’ll post more as I’m able. Slogging through this situation drains me of both time and energy, but I want to leave you with one thought:

At AWANA last night, the children were given a few minutes in class to tell what they would say if Jesus walked into the room. Several wanted to thank Him for saving them, or ask how their lives would turn out. Me, I would just say, “Hold me.”

12 Responses to The Unraveling of a Knit-together Heart

  1. Anonymous February 24, 2009 at 9:35 am #

    I love you friend and we are still praying! B

  2. Jen Berry February 24, 2009 at 11:44 am #

    Always thinking of you, and forever loving you. You are a great person. P.S. I don’t know if it is my page or not, but some of your text is overlapping text on the left of the page.

    Hang in there. Forever your sister.

    Jen

  3. Ann Voskamp @Holy Experience February 24, 2009 at 12:12 pm #

    When pain is great, words should be few…

    A quiet embrace from a quiet reader…

    Jesus cups you close…

    All’s grace,
    Ann

  4. Ashley Weis February 24, 2009 at 4:11 pm #

    I love you in Christ…

    Praying.

  5. Jessica February 24, 2009 at 5:08 pm #

    OH my goodness!!! I’m SO sorry and hope that reconciliation will come in the future.
    I haven’t been through this particular pain and hope to never go through it. I’m really sorry Christina. I’ll be praying for you and the kids.

  6. Anonymous February 24, 2009 at 7:46 pm #

    I loved the way you articulated things after the point where your original information you’d sent out stopped. That was also a lovely sentiment regarding the AWANA question.

    The Master is already holding you!

    Gunga Din

  7. Tammy Bowers February 24, 2009 at 8:10 pm #

    You are so open and brave. Blessings to all of you.

  8. Judy Gann February 24, 2009 at 8:23 pm #

    You are one courageous lady, Christina.

    Know that many are praying for you, including me.

  9. Susan J. Reinhardt February 25, 2009 at 8:06 am #

    Love you, Christina. My heart is hurting for you and your family. I’ll be praying.

    Blessings,
    Susan 🙂

  10. Christina Berry February 25, 2009 at 1:34 pm #

    Yes, this is just a blog and some of us have never met in real life, but your support DOES matter and feels very real. Thank you!

  11. Rebecca Barlow February 26, 2009 at 7:52 am #

    I’m praying for you, sweet friend!

  12. Sally Bradley February 27, 2009 at 9:40 am #

    Christina, you’re very brave and strong to be sharing this in public. I’ll be praying for you both. Hang in there!