On Sunday night, February 8th, I specifically asked my husband a question I feel came from the Holy Spirit. Kev just started blinking … and I knew.
I can’t even describe what happened to my heart in that moment, or what transpired between us. We were already in bed together, so after hours of talking, he dressed and left the house. I did not ask him to leave. There were no angry words. Just profound grief over the death of our marriage. I still struggle with that. Does my marriage covenant hinge on fidelity? Does anything on earth cancel my promise before God? Is He calling me to be a “Hosea?”
Yesterday afternoon, we worked together to pack his things. We’re living in the same house, joining hands around the table at family meals, doing taxes together … but our spirits are already separating. It is the most painful experience I can imagine.
Do I think it’s a coincidence that I’m editing a book about a wife dealing with her husband’s unfaithfulness? Do I wonder why I’m writing a new scene that emphasizes the a struggle-with-forgiveness theme? No. God knew I would need to read what I wrote before this happened. I still believe in the message of the book, and forgave Kevin before he left the house that night. There may be some in the Christian world who will call our separation sin, but we believe we are following in the path of God by doing so, and recognizing the consequences of sin.
I feel God guiding me each step and I promise to do my best to stay in His will, to live a life above reproach. I am relying on Him as both Father and Husband.
We’ll be losing the home we share with our parents because we cannot afford to maintain two households. However, I feel God has given me the passion of writing, and the first sale of my book, to carry me through this time. It gives me such purpose to carry forth the message of forgiveness. But I also must now make a living for myself and the three kids, so I’m looking at part-time positions.
Lest you be thinking ill of my Kevin, I want to say that aside from this issue, he’s been a wonderful husband and given me many years of love, happiness, and security. I pray the Lord will help him find the broken part inside him. I thank the Lord for how He’s going to use this heartbreak for good.
(Note: the pictures are Kev’s birthday dinner at Fuddrucker’s and us with Andrew Peterson and his awesome pianist, Ben. This is two days after we told the children–which is a whole post in and of itself.)
I’m at a loss for words. Just know whatever comes of this for you and Kevin, healing will come. You’re in my prayers. I’m sure you have plenty of people rallying around you, but if you just want to “talk” e-mail me. I have a good shoulder, whether in person or via e-mail.
Christina, I’m so sorry to hear this news. As I commented on your mother’s blog, my family has been wracked by divorce twice, and it’s awful. But healing and peace does come!
Hey fellow ACFW-er…
hugs and prayers.
that’s all.
just hugs and prayers.
🙂
Christina,
I am so sorry that you are struggling through this dark valley. It is not an easy trek.
I have added you and Kevin to my prayer list and commend both of you for parting on good terms. Keep your eyes heavenward and congratulations on the book. I do believe everything happens for a reason and though we can’t see it, God has the perfect plan.
Blessings,
Mary
Christina, my heart and my prayers go out to you both. May God see you both through this season of your lives. May God hold you tightly in His arms and be all that you need.
Michelle M.